First Love
by Hades'Queen
Summary: Before Remus can even allow himself to start a relationship with Tonks, he feels that it would be best to be completely honest with her, but will she like what he has to say? Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Song is by a band called Extreme. Don't know the name of the song but it isn't mine.

**A/N: **Story takes place before Remus and Tonks show up as a couple at Dumbledore's funeral. Despite the fact that I love Tonks and Remus as a couple, I still picture Remus loving someone else. All "Ñ" will be replaced by "" because I'm too lazy to put in the Ñ. Also the end of the song, the very end, is being cut out because it's pretty redundant.

**Summary: **Before Remus can even allow himself to start a relationship with Tonks, he feels that it would be best to be completely honest with her, but will she like what he has to say? One-shot.

**First Love **

_Solo tenia 13 anos  
Era el ano nueve-seis  
Todavia era un nino  
Que no entendia muy vien_

"Tonks, if I do intend on starting a relationship with you, there is something that I must tell you. I don't know how you will take, but I figure that it would be best that you find out now rather instead of when we are about three months into the relationship, and I understand if, after what I tell you, you don't want to be with me," Remus said as he stared into Tonks' eyes. They were walking off the grounds of Hogwarts. Both were a little bit shaken by what happened the previous night.

"I assure you Remus that whatever you have to say won't stop me from loving you," Tonks said as they continued their walk as she looked over at him. He looked down at his feet and wondered how it was that he should proceed with what he had to say to her.

"When was the first time you fell in love?" he asked as he looked over at her. She turned a bright shade of pink as she turned her attention to the ground. "I know that I am not your first and I won't be hurt if you tell me."

"When I was fifteen, I think," she responded as she continued to stare at the floor.

"The first time I fell in love I was thirteen," he said as he looked straight ahead. Tonks turned her attention to the man that was walking beside her. "I was a young boy when it first happened. I should've know that I was still too young to invite love so willingly into my life," He stated as he continued to look ahead. Tonks could see a sad glint in his eyes and there was no smile on his face.

_Me enamore de una nia  
__Que por linda me asombre  
__De su bonita carita  
__Y su sonrisa de miel  
__No se si yo le gustava  
__O le caia bien  
__Pero lo que sentia  
__Era un lindo placer_

"You know that I grew up in a mainly poor, rural village," Remus said. Tonks had heard much of where Remus grew up and thought that it sounded very nice. A small village of wooden houses and cabins. There was only one main street that was more of a dirt or gravel path then anything. Surrounding the small village was nothing but trees for it was nearly in the center of a great forest. The population of the small village couldn't have been more then about fifty or sixty people.

"When I was thirteen, a girl moved in. She was about fifteen and I thought that she was the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. She was very poor like me, but unlike me she came from an abusive family that was falling apart. But she was absolutely beautiful. She had a perfect shape, the most wonderful honey eyes and the sweetest smile and what I thought that was so strange that out of all the boys in the village she wanted to talk to me," he said as they continued to walk. Tonks looked down at her feet, it was a little difficult for her to hear this, but she could tell that he wasn't pleased to be telling this story. "She was such a sweet person and she was always so nice and kind, despite the broken home that she came from. Every time that I was around her, I felt like I never did before. I felt so alive and special."

"I know what you mean," Tonks said as they continued to walk. Hogsmead station was starting to come into view. Remus looked over at her and found that there was a somewhat pained expression on her face, but Tonks wore a small, sad smile on her face as they continued to walk together. He knew that this was perhaps hurting her, but it was hurting him more to relive.

_Una linda muchachita  
__Cuando me ablabla ingles  
__Yo le desia I love you  
__I want to be your baby  
__Ella era la mami que me daba su querer  
__La que me acariciaba con todo su ser_

"She was beautiful and sweet and I fell hard for her. She would tell me the sweetest words and she loved me. She was always there for me to embrace me when I needed her the most. She would run her fingers through my hair softly and she would trace my skin with her fingers. I told her that I loved her and I told her that I wanted to be hers and she would always smile and place a kiss on my cheek," he said as they started to walk through Hogsmead.

"What was her name?" Tonks asked as she looked up at him. Despite the fact that he was talking about the girl that he had once loved so much, he was dead serious.

"Cassandra Spelling."

_Hay que lindo caundo dos personas estan  
__Enamorados  
__Lo que es amor  
__Uno se pone medio loco  
__Cuando llega el amor  
__No le importan lo que digan  
__Eso es amor  
__Al estar enamorado  
__Uno pierde la rason_

"It's a funny thing, Love. It's so wonderful and magnificent when two people fall in love. But the truth is love makes you crazy. Nothing matters anymore, especially not what people have to say, even if it makes sense, it doesn't matter, because you can no longer reason. Your mind has lost all control and your heart has completely taken over, not caring whether it leads you astray or not," Remus said as they walked. His brows were furrowed as he looked down at the ground.

"What did people tell you?" Tonks asked as they walked. He looked over at her.

"What do you think that they told me? When have you ever seen a fifteen year old girl, with the face of a goddess, a body of a supermodel, and the personality of an angel interested in a thirteen year old?" he said bitterly as he turned hi gaze back to the floor. "Everyone in the village told me to stay away from her. That someone that seemed as perfect as she was could not really exist, that she was fake. They told me that she was an illusion and that I should not fall for it, because behind all her beauty and that false sweetness there was probably something hideous hidden within."

"So I'm guessing you didn't believed anyone," Tonks said as they walked.

"Of course not, I was a fool in love. I told myself that none of them saw what I saw. They didn't know what we had. I didn't listen and I didn't pay any attention," Remus said as they came to a stop on the main street of Hogsmead. It was turning out to be a very fine day despite everything that happened the pervious night or what he was telling her at the very moment. "I gave her my heart, my body, my soul and everything someone can give to another person. I gave her the innocence of my heart. When you give that much of yourself to a person, you can't even allow yourself to believe the bad things that people say to you."

Tonks took in a deep breath as she looked away. He gave her everything. Did that mean that he lost his virginity too her? She stared away as she started to blush. At thirteen! She looked up into his eyes when it passed and could see it in his eyes that he did. The pain that was written in them was like nothing she'd ever seen before. Tonks wondered what this Cassandra did to him. Wondered how she could possibly wound him this much.

_Era un Viernes en la noche  
__Apenas eran las 10  
__Yo estaba solito  
__Pensando en mi querer  
__Camine por su barrio  
__Buscando esa mujer_

"SO what happened?" Tonks asked as she looked forward.

"It was a hot night at the end of august and everyone was celebrating. Every summer in august there is a party, were all the village unites and give thanks for another well spent year. Everyone dances and has fun. It was a Friday night and it was ten. Cassandra wasn't there so I started to walk to her house," Remus said as he looked down at his feet. "I knocked on the door, but something was very strange. No one was coming to the door and no one seemed to be inside."

_El vecino me avia dicho  
Que se fue y no va volver  
Que dolor tan grande  
Tenia yo en ese momento  
Se me fue mi mami  
Se me fue bien lejos  
Si ella supiera que la amaba  
Y le dava mi querer  
Me cogio de relajo_  
_Me rompio el corazon_

"Her next door neighbor, a grumpy old man, came out at the sound of my constant knocking. He yelled at me that Cassandra moved very far away to some country in the Americas and that she was never going to return," Remus said as he looked down. "I can't even begin to describe what that was like."

Tonks stared at the man that she was in love with and stared at him. She could see that he was in pain and wanted to take away all the hurt. How could Cassandra just leave? "Do you know why she left?" Tonks found herself asking as she stared at the man she so loved. He looked up at Tonks and looked deep into her eyes. His eyes were sparkling with a pain that was never erased and would never disappear.

"I never heard anything from her again, but I've never been able to recover from it. She lied to me in all that time and she made my first love experience the bitterest thing that I've ever experienced. Every time that I have ever been intimate with anyone I keep flashing back to Cassandra and how it always feels like a piece of me is dying. I often wonder if it was always her intention to hurt me like that or if perhaps it wasn't a disguise, but my mother told me something that might explained why she was the way that she was."

"What?"

"She'd been raped for several years by her father. My mother said that often times, they try to fill a hole inside of them with something, anything. I guess that Cassandra tried to fill that hole with intimacy. I try not to hold a grudge against Cassandra for what she did to me, because she went through a horrible childhood and her trauma wasn't left behind. Perhaps she got away from her father, but that hole will never be filled and I can only imagine that she still suffers to this day."

"Is that what you were scared to tell me?" Remus merely nodded. Tonks smiled as she looked up at him. "I still want you," she said as she stepped closer with a grin on her face.

_I thought I was in love  
__But It was all a lie  
__I thought that it was true  
__And everything was fine  
__She made me feel so good  
__And also made me cry  
__But when I looked at her  
__My heart just fell inside  
__And then I knew that she  
__Was such a waste of time  
__I would've never known  
__That it was a disguise  
__She told me all those lies  
__And didn't realize  
__All the hurt that she would cause  
__That hurt me deep inside  
__I hope that she has seen  
__Everything she did to me  
__I hope that she was pleased  
__Cause it was killing me  
__Killing me_

**A/N: **Well I hope you liked that. Please leave a Review. Anything, it could even be just like one word but please review.


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